*Warning*  The following post does allude to profanity—if you are sensitive to or offended by tasteless language, you may wish to pass on this entry…


We were at the library this weekend—I noticed that there is an awful lot of “The Dummies Guide to _______ (fill in the blank)" manuals on the shelves.  One guide that I didn’t see was The Dummies Guide to Profanity…
 
I was thinking about calling the publisher, you know, because I seem to have a knack for it. I’m not saying that I’m proud of cussing or anything, just that I’ve noticed that I tend to exhibit potty-mouth, maybe too frequently.  For example, we were leaving the grocery store today, and I realized I forgot a pie crust. “S#!t!”  Seemed appropriate at the time—seeing that the lines were extraordinarily long for Thanksgiving and all…  But a fellow mom shot me a look that said… “Well now, you pathetic excuse for a mommy. How could you?”

Like I said, I’m pretty good at gauging when and when not to swear.  I’ve mastered the silent curse (just mouthing the word).  And I’ve even practiced “the look” that executed properly can imply all seven of George Carlin's “seven dirty words.”  Very rarely will I actually use the iniquitous f-bomb.  I reserve that for circumstances like the time when I backed into my husband’s new truck sitting clearly behind me in our driveway: Or like when I ran over his brand new deluxe PoulanPro gas weedeater, turning it into the shape of an L.  Those times seem worthy of the f-bomb to me…

You say this is a mommy health blog, why the he** are you discussing expletives.  Well, it does seem likely that there are health benefits to uncorking the old kisser letting some baddies rip…  Endorphins released will surely benefit your overall feeling of well being. 

And yes, I am aware that there are repercussions for using profanity, no s#!t.  Part of life, I guess, is learning to weigh the consequences…    
 
Let's get someone else to weigh in... How about Shakespeare—the master wordsmith himself?  “It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.”  

Okay, find substitute words, you say.  Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.  Grasshole, flippin’, turd—everyone knows what you really mean, don’t they?

I do feel that there is a certain trashiness associated with bad language, and I’m trying to keep it at a minimum… But at my age, it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to quit completely—that won’t stop me from trying, though.  I did, however, find a book to check out at the library… “Dummies Guide to Maui.”  Now, that’s a book I can learn from!